I don't have kids, but when I do, I hope they do and say lots of really weird, funny things. (Judging by all the research I used to do as a parenting magazine editor, I think the odds are in my favor.) Nathan Ripperger is a dad and an artist, and he's made this hilarious series of prints, "Things I've Said to My Children," highlighting the ridiculous stuff he's said in response to the ridiculous things his kids have done. Here's a few of my favorites.
Nathan's prints are available in his Etsy shop. I kind of want the penguin one!